The True Story To Infection
by Luna-Starr
Summary: Elk is an Aromatic grass addict. Aura is a scary armless girl. Kite screams imaginary bracelet constantly. Fate of 2 worlds....we're doomed
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: i dont own .hack or digimon. Or Square or actual chocobos, but gyshai is my character!!! end of story.

Luna: hey you people! first .hack fic ever & took me 4ever cause i coulnt upload then i had to retype it........grr............

Elk: um....hi...

Luna: oh your Elk the useless Wavemaster guy who's clingy!

Elk: Your mean! I'm telling Mia on you!

Luna: um.... there, there? geez cant even take a joke! anyway let's get on with thr random story!

Chapter 1: Aura the Handicapped.

Kite was walking along with his best friend , Orca. They were in a dungeon when suddenly a creepy white thing was being chased by another thing.

So Orca and Kite followed it because they were retarded.

"Where are we?" asked Kite, dumbly, " Because we're not in Kanas anymore.....

" Aura!" cried Orca running to her.

She was floating all in white. And she was armless.

" AHHHH!!" screamed Kite, "She's armless! Protect me, Orca!"

" Orca, take it , " whispered Aura.

" What?"

"Take it before he comes."

" I didnt quite get that-"

" JUST TAKE THE DAMN BOOK!"

Then Skeith appeared & Aura floated away leaving Orca & Kite to their doom. He then datadrained Orca as Kite stood and watched. Or ran like a wuss rather.

But our cowardly antihero was saved by a staff wielded by a woman who didnt know the meaning of the word "shirt". cough Helba cough

The next day.......

Kite forgot about Orca and the fact he was in a coma. he didnt even take a hint as to STOP PLAYING THE GAME! So he ends up meeting BlackRose.

" Hey you!!" she shouts, her voice cracking every window within a 6-mile radius.

" M-me?" asks Kite, in fear.

" No! The guy behind you!"

Kite turns around. She rolls her eyes.

" Anyway, you're coming with me to a werid filed where my brother was put in a coma because i have a death wish."

" Wait....What?"

" Just come with me!"

" Uh, I don't know...." She gives him a death glare.

" O-okay...." decided Kite.

" DANCE PUPPET, DANCE!" cries the power hungry heavy blader. On cue , he danced.

" Idiot..." she mumbles.

They gated to a Chruch like filed.

" Hey this looks like somewhere a gender-confused Wavemaster would hang out," remarks Kite.

Somewhere, Tsukaa is screaming, " I'M A BOY!!!...wait...am I a girl...? But if I'm in a coma.... IM SO CONFUSED!!!"

Just then, Aura appears.

" AHHH!!" cries Kite, " SHE'S ARMLESS !! HIDE ME! She'll hurt me!"

Kite, being the genius that he is, doesnt realize that if you lack arms you cant: A strangle someone, B punch you, C throw you.

" The power can either be used for salvnation or destruction, " whispered Aura.

" Huh? Speak up." said BlackRose.

" The power can either be used for salvnation or destruction, "

" Come again?"

" The power can be used for- OH WHO CARES!!!"

She throws the book at Kite who is knocked out instantly.

" Wuss,,,," mumbles BlackRose.

" You!" said a winged man , Balmug, " Art doth hackers?"

" What would you like me to say?" asks BlackRose, eyeing him up and down.

" To be a hacker or not to be a hacker...." said Balmug, " ANSWER!"

"Um.....no...."said BlackRose, " We can exchange member adresses to...you know."

And no, all you sick of mind thats NOT what she meant!

Suddenly, the winged one is attacked by a Data Bug.

" if thoust value thy life leave now!!" cries Balmug, drawing his sword, " and take the dishonorable male with you."

" Buh-bye Balmugy, hot guy!" said BlackRose and blows him a kiss.

Kite awakens, sees Data Bug and crawls into fetal position mumbling " M-mommy!" Then the book transforms him.

" Kitewussmon digievoled to....Redkitemon with imaginary bracelet!"

Then, the bracelet possesses him as it datadrains the bug. Balmug is able to defeat it. YAY!

" Thou art hacker!" cries Balmug, " have you no honor? Twists the world to thee delight! Draw thy weapon & duel!"

Normally, in .hack infection this is where BalckRose would defended Kite. But remember,this is far from normal.

" Yeah!" cries BlackRose, " Duel! I know you'll win, Balmugy!" She winks at him, again.

" But it was the imaginary bracelet, I swear!" cried Kite, " If it was up to me, I would've let it kill you and run!"

BlackRose shakes her head. Her and Balmug walk off together, her latched onto his shoulder and him trying to get away. And failing. Miserably.

"Stupid imaginary bracelet made me into a hero,,," whines Kite.

Luna: OKAY!! IM DONE HERE! Please review, much appericated.

Gyshai: shes a chocobo Oh, and you're not gonna introduce me, huh? stupid RACIST!

Luna: sighs Thats Gyshai, a talking chocobo fighting for chocobo rights....

Gyshai: thats right!!! Square you cant control us as a stupid breed of bird used for transportation anymore! WE SHALL GET EQUAL RIGHTS!!

Luna: Great, ranting again... Chappie 2 is about Kite meeting an grass addict; Elk & a bracelet obessed cat!....anyway see yas later!

Gyshai: And remeber Gyshai for president! And review!


	2. Addicted to Grass

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING in this fic....., not .hack or anything!

Luna: Hey i got Chap2 for all of yous! And if I misplezz stuff don't hate me, my program doesnt have spell check but i will be sure to check it more this time!

Gyshai: You know you spelt misspelt wrong, right?

Luna: Yeah.... I was being ironic!

Gyshai: Sure you were. Anyway, read & it review!! AND SOON US CHOCOBOS WILL BE RIDING YOU! HAHAHAHA!

Luna: sweat drop

Chapter2: Addicted to Grass

The next day,Kite logged onto the World. He wandered around the Root Town, bored until he saw a cat and a Wavemaster.

" What a unique bracelet you have!" excliamed the cat, Mia.

" You can see it?" asks Kite, " But its imaginary and makes me do stupid, heroic things!"

" MIAAAA!!" whined Elk, the Wavemaster, "I need some Aromatci Grass, now!"

" I'm sorry , Elk, " said Mia, " We ran out of your stash."

" But I need it!" cries Elk, " I NEED A JOINT OF GRASS! I'D KILL FOR SOME RIGHT NOW!"

And with the crazed look on his face, noone doubted him.

" Do you have some grass?" asked Elk, sniffing him.

" What are you DOING!" cried Kite, " and no, I DONT!"

" Just making sure you weren't holding out on me, man, " drawled Elk.

" Maybe i'll see the bracelet- i, uh mean you again, " said Mia, " i have a feeling we'll meet again."

" Look Mia!" cried Elk, incrediably high, " I'm a cat! MEOW, MEOW!"

" What a good boy my Elky is!" said Mia, petting his head.

Weridos, thought Kite. He wanted to get out of there , FAST. Mia begins walking away as Elk purrs. Then he noticed she was walking away.

" Wait, Mia!" shoued Elk," I don't feel safe when your 3 inches away from me! THE INVISBLE ELVES WILL GET ME!"

She waits for him, and then the junkie Wavemaster and cat walk off. Kite sighs, relived that they're gone. So he decided to call BlackRose, his only friend.

" Okay, " said BlackRose, " Here I come! Only because Balmugy wouldn't return my calls..."

" Say, " she counited, " Did you read the Board today? There was a message about an area with a girl all in white there. Wanna go? Maybe its Aura."

" Aura!" cried Kite, " The creepy armless girl who forced an imaginary bracelet upon me? Why would I want to see her?"

" Come on!" said BlackRose, " It'll be fun!"

" No!"

" Please?"

" NO!"

" DO IT RIGHT NOW BEFORE I CHOP YOUR HEAD OFF!"

".....Yes ma'am...."

He puts in the keywords, only to see it's restricted.

" Oh too bad...." he said, inching away.

But then the imaginary bracelet possessed him and hacked into the filed.

" Where are we? " asked Kite, as she shrugged.

The dungeon was all corrupt as they fought their way through hordes of monsters. Well, BlackRose fought. Kite mainly just got into fetal position and sucked his thumb.

What seemed like forever, they got to the last level and was confronted by a Data Bug. Kite soiled himself. They spent a half hour literally weakening it until the imaginary bracelet took over and drained it. For their troubles they got a viruse core.

" Wow, that was cheap....." mumbled Kite.

He logged off and checked his mail. Mia sent him an email saying, " I want to see power of bracelet, blah, blah, come alone, blah blah, "

What is up with her & this imaginary bracelet? thought Kite. Well, thanks to his lack of a social life he decided to go anyway.

Luna: I know its a short Chapter but the next will be longer and funnier.

Gyshai:...its called Elkv.s Kite. I got my money on Elk.

Luna: Huh? Well anyway the rest of the story will be loosely about the actual story of the game.

Gyshai: Whats this? I can't have a say in it because I'm a yellow bird, huh? FINE THEN!!! WHEN OUR REVOLUTION BEGINS I'LL MAKE SURE WE RIDE YOU ESPECIALLY! And review!!!


	3. Elk vs Kite

Disclaimer: Let's see.....do I own .hack? No. Will I next chapter? No. And I don't Star Trek.

Luna: YAY!!! Chapter 3!!! does victory dance Gyshai: MY EYES!

Elk: There she is!! That girl that was mean to me!

Mia: GET THEM! Elk, Mia, Kite, Tsukaa, BlackRose and Balmug attack!

Elk: EAT STAFF! swings staff but Luna smacks him upside his head.

Kite: IMAGINARY BRACELET! Gyshai kicks him in the kneecaps

Luna: ......Too many! Anyway READ!!!

Chapter 3: Elk V.S Kite

Since Kite had no life, he decided to go to the dungeon that Mia wanted him to go to. He ran in horror from all the monsters, except the Data Bug which the imaginary bracelet took care of.

" Booya!" cried Kite, and did a bizarre victory jig.

" Thanks for showing me the power of the bracelet," said Mia, clapping.

" Your welcome, uh...." said Kite.

" So do you have any Aromatic Grass?" asked Mia.

" No...."

" Oh."

Awkard slience.

" See you later, bearer of the bracelet, " said Mia, and gated out.

" That was useless....." mumbled Kite.

He logged out and checked his mail. It was from Elk, asking him to come alone, to some random place. Kite gated there, and saw Elk.

" Elk, why did you ask me here?" asked Kite.

" I just wanted to know...." said Elk, shyly, " Can I borrow your imaginary bracelet ? Please?"

" Why?"

" Because I'm afraid Mia won't like me anymore!" said Elk, " Please?"

" I would, but its kinda.....stuck..." he answered, " I can't get it off."

" Oh....." said Elk, " In that case, GIMME DAT BRACELET BEFORE I BUSTA CAP IN YOUR ::bleep!::"

" I'm sorry!" cried Kite, seeing how szchio Elk really was.

" Do you know why I asked you to come here specificly?"

" N-no...."

" This is me and Mia's special place. OUR SPECIAL PLACE! Not Kite and Mia! ME & MIAAA!! This is our special place where we do special stuff together!"

" That's...er...nice..."

"You stay away from her! She's my girlfriend so back off or I'm gonna have to go gansta on your ::bleep::"

" Okay.....I will then."

" Are those fighting words?"

" What? No! I said you can have her ....geez..."

" BRING IT!"

Music from Star Trek plays as Elk says, " You know if we don't battle to the death, they will kill us both, Kirk."

" What the hell, Elk?" said Kite, annoyed, " That Aromatic Grass has killed your brain cells!"

Enter Battle Mode:

Elk uses Aromatic Grass attack!- engulfing poor Kite in a cloud of grass smoke. He indaventarly becomes high.

And the winner is : ELK!

" Dude....." drawled Kite, " My hand is like...whoa....and those colors.....whoa...."

" Now I'm a cat!" said Elk, as equally high, " Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow!!! MIX!"

Mia gates in and says " Elk!"

" Mia! Oh Mia!" said Elk, " I was so scared that Kite was gonna take you away from me! WAHH!!!"

" It's okay my Elky-poo!" said Mia, petting him.

" I'm as high as a kite!" said Kite, " But...I AM Kite.....dude..."

" Now get out of here Kite!" cries Elk, " Shoo! AHHH!! THE INVISIBLE ELVES ARE BACK!"

Elk runs off, and then starts crying AGAIN when Mia isnt by his side.

" Maybe you should go home now" said Mia, " But I'd love to see the brace- I mean you again."

" You only like me because of my bracelet! " excliamed Kite, " You don't like- ohh....shiny...."

Thus concludes another day in the life of Kite.

BlackRose: YARHH!! she charges and Luna side steps her, and then BR crashes into the wall

Balmug: By the power invested in I, i shalt strike thee down! Gyshai messes up his hair and he runs off crying.

Mia: TAKE THIS!

Luna: Look Meow Mix! Mia runs off to find the Meow Mix

Tsukaa: Prepare....yourself?

Gyshai: Outta the way He/She!

Tsukaa: IM SO CONFUSED!

Luna: whew.... anyway i want to thank you people for reviews & those who haven't review! Next Chapter, Elk becomes a rapper.....need I say more?


	4. EGrass

Disclaimer: I don't own .hack, lyrics to following rap songs or Knuckles, or comments from Finding Nemo. SURPRISE!

Luna: Finally! Chapter 4!

Gyshai: What is THAT? ::points to an aqua Grunty::

Luna: Oh! A Grunty!! So cute!! I shall name him Squishy and he shall be mine forever! ::hugs the Grunty::

Squishy: Glub Glub, Hi! ::Luna rides Squishy::

Gyshai: ARE YOU CRAZY!! You're being taken advantage of! Ridden around like a common horse! HAVE YOU NO DIGNITY!

Squishy: Glub, Glub, Read Chapter 4! E-Grass!

Luna: And for the record, I make fun of rap ALOT in this fic, but don't take offense. I like rap, but I also like to make fun of it. Like Kite.

Kite: HEY!

Chapter 4: E-Grass

Kite recieved yet email from Mia saying, " I would like you to meet us at Happy Smiling Hypizze. We're making a rap music video and want the brace- i mean you there."

Kite sighs. He logs in anyway and contacts BlackRose.

" I'm kinda busy right now!" she says.

" With?"

" Balmug!"

" Oh....i see. I'll leave you 2 alone then."

" You perv! ::smacks him upside the head:: That's not what I meant!! We found this really rare treasure..."

" Sure...."

" FINE! Be that way!!"

Kite shrugs, and BlackRose says , " So what did you call me for?"

" Elk's starting a career...as a rapper....And they want me in their music video. Wanna come?"

" Sure, why not?"

They gated to Mia and Elk's 'special' place.

" Hey Kite!" said Elk, as if nothing happened yesterday.

" Hi Elk," said Kite.

" No! " cries Elk, " Its E-Grass now, okay!"

"....okaaaayyyy..." said Kite.

" Hi I'm BlackRose, " she said.

" And noone cares," said Elk.

" Why you-"

" Hi imaginary bracelet, " said Mia, " Oh, hi Kite."

Music video of Elk, er....E-Grass is shown. Enter music video mode.

E-Grass is sitting on top of a car. It's very dark. Suddenly, it gets lighter. E-Grass looks up holding his "staff" with tacky rhinestones glued to it and raps:

" Name's E-Grass :: Mia walks across screen holding up Aromatic Grass::

" Hi Mia!" cries Elk and waves.

" E-Grass, you weren't susposed to do that!"

"Oh."

Take 2

E-Grass raps, " Name's E-Grass, mess with me and you go down like a druglord clown, replace your smile with a frown ::Mia walks across stage again with Aromatic Grass. E-Grass keeps his mouth shut:: They say Grass is bad :: Kite starts doing backfilps but trips and goes head first into a window::

Take 3

" They say Grass is bad, :: Kite manages to not crash into the car, YAY!:: But you all mad! My homies know you all drop it like its hot,drop it like its hot! :: BlackRose drops the potato::

" What's this song susposed to mean anyway?" said BlackRose.

" Like every other rap song," said Mia, " It's about drugs, alcohol, partying & getting laid."

Take 4

"......::BlackRose drops a potato:: Sometimes I just wanna chill and be but I'm the protecter of the Emerald Agenda. Felice nava da, I'm in a deep cut. I'm seeing stars that burn, they trying to cut me off. A void in my luck, I'm feeling kinda stuck. Amtrack detracking me to different doorways . In a ledge and I don't know what to do. Guatranted though I'm gonna find the Emeralds. Don't call me Knuckles for nothing , I can't lose-"

" That's my SONG!!" screams Knuckles, and attacks Elk.

Take 5

E-Grass now has a neck-brace, cructhes, and a black eye. Yet he still raps, "........I said my people don't dance we just pull down our pants, and do the Rock-away-"

" No!" cries Mia, " Pullup our pants! PULL UP!!!"

Take10

"......Everybody ::hic:: in the club getting tipsy :: everyone starts collasping. Every body in the club :: he falls down too. Hard.::

Take 20

" Grass, Grass smoke em by the mass :: shows Mia smoking and Kite screaming " Imaginary Bracelet!" If you try to steal some I'll kick you in your ::bleep::

2hours later

" Wow those rap songs were the worse!" said BlackRose, " I mean all Elk-

" E-Grass!!" shouts E-Grass

" All E-Grass did was take bits of other rap songs and put them together.....wow..."

" You killjoy!" cried Kite, " anyway I love you guys! Friends forever??"

" MIA'S MINE!" hissed Elk, " ALL MINE! MWHAHAHAHA!!"

" I'm sorry Kite," said Mia, " But I just used you so I could see the imaginary bracelet more. In addition to being a grass junkie, I'm an imaginary bracelet worshipper."

" Noone loves me!" cried Kite, and runs off.

" Wait!" said BlackRose, " Oh yeah, I just remembered i don't care."

Luna: YESS!!! I DID IT! wow....long chapter. Hey Squishy can I ride you again?

Squishy: HELL NO!

Gyshai: That's right! Rebel against the system! WE WILL NOT BE RODE!!!

Luna: Great...brainwashing again.....Anyway review!


	5. Band

Disclaimer: I don't own .hack. THE END!

Luna: Okay, to answer the question, " what on earth is a Balmugy" its just BlackRose's pet name for Balmug w/ a y at the end. And sorry for the wait. Got sidetracked and writers block. DON'T LET IT HAPPEN TO YOU!

Kite: AHHH!! Its you!

Luna: Aww....Kite!

Gyshai: He's cute for a human.

Luna: BACK OFF!! HE'S MINE!

Kite: If you like me , why do you constanly ABUSE me?

Luna: Because Kite abuse is fun. Just like Jet, Squall, Cloud and Cliff abuse. ::all the mentioned characters scream , " RUN!"::

Luna: AND THEIR MINE TOO!!

Gyshai: okaaayy......Read and ignore the psycho.

Chapter 5: Band

Kite wanted revenage. He NEEDED revenage. So he decided to tell BlackRose his most devious plan.

" We must start a band!" he cried.

" That's your plan?" asked BlackRose, " Start a band...?"

" Yes!" said Kite, mapping it all out, " I can be the lead singer and guitarist and you can play bass-"

" No! I want to be a drummer!"

" Bass!"

" Drummer!"

"BASS!"

" DRUMMER BEFORE I GET AURA!"

" Fine!" said Kite, " Wait....we need someone to play bass.... But who?"

" Balmugy!" said BlackRose.

" But he thinks I'm a hacker...." he replied.

" Shoot...." she said, " Hey we can post a message on the Board! But we need a name..."

" How about Anti-E-Grass?"

" Thats lame....I know! BlackRose's Roses!"

" Uh....no..."

" Well what DO you suggest!?"

" Hmm.........I know! High as a Kite!"

" I guess...." mumbled BlackRose and typed it on the message board.

So they went to a flied and waited. Until BlackRose made a valid point.

" We don't have any instruments."

That was just a minor setback.

The banners promoting upcoming rapper E-Grass annoyed Kite more. Elk's face was painted everywhere with the catch phrase, " Got Aromatic Grass?"

"Can't we just make the instruments?" asked Kite, unhappily.

" Out of WHAT?" yelled BlackRose.

" We can get some pots and pans for drums, " said Kite, brightening, "And some wooden spoons for drumsticks! And a tissue box with rubber bands for a guitar!"

" You're...kidding right?" she said.

Kite got his,uh, homemade instruments together and was ready to play. But BlackRose was digusted with him and threw his "instruments" in a lake. Monsuier's lake.

" MY BABIES!" cried Kite. He was about to jump in when a large tear drop shaped THING emerged.

" Was is a Golden Axe you dropped or a Silver Axe?" it asked in its retarded voice.

" AHHH!!!" screamed Kite, " IT ATE MY CREATIONS! NOOOOO!"

" Neither, " said BlackRose.

" What? Neither one?" said Monsuier, " Is this it?"

" Please spare me!" he begged, " Imaginary bracelet, DO SOMETHING!"

Monsuier threw actaul instruments back at them.

" Shiny! Guitars!" said Kite, picking one as red as himself.

It was then Kite found out he couldn't play an electric guitar. And when he did, it sounded like a dying animal. Neither could BlackRose, sadly they had no musical talent what so ever. Even though they couldn't play, Kite was cheery anyway.

" Since we don't know how to play its only a minor setback, " said Kite, " And bands only get noticed because of the cute lead singers!"

" Really?" said BlackRose, " I don't see a cute lead singer around....Wait, is BALMUGY HERE?"

".....but I-I have an imaginary bracelet....." said Kite.

Luna: I'm outta here! There will only be 2 more chapters until this story is offically DONE! YAY! I SHALL HAVE COMPLETED MY FIRST FIC! ::does victory dance::

Gyshai: I thought I told you to NEVER do that EVER again!

Luna: ......anyway next chapter: TRYOUTS! who will play bass????


	6. TRYOUTS!

Disclaimer: I don't own .hack!!!!!

Luna: I'm BACK!!!

Kite, Elk, and Gyshai: NOOOO!!!!

Luna: Shut it!! Anyway, sorry i took so long to update I've been soooo busy and I was working on my WildArms3 fic....

Kite:.....why can't you expliot some one else for the fic!

Luna: Sorry. Whole idea is to poke fun and you and Elky here.

Elk: I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM! ::shakes like junkie::

Luna: I present to you, CHAPTER 6!

Chapter 6: Tryouts!

The first contestant was Aura.

" No! NOOOOOO!!!!"cried Kite, " She MADE me into a hero! This is all her fault!!! Did I ask for an imaginary bracelet? Nooooo..."

" Are you done?" asked BlackRose.

".....I guess."

Despite Kite's protests, Aura performed. She played the triangle. How she did this with no hands, we'll never know. The song consisted of a few chimes and Aura whispered some words. Then, Aura bowed.

BlackRose and Kite blinked.

" Don't call us, we'll call you." said BlackRose.

Tryout 2

Bear came in with a bass.

" OH MY GOD!" screamed Kite, " ORCA, YOU'RE ALIVE!!"

" Orca?" asked Bear, " Who's Orca? Mimuru, what's going on?"

" Huh? Mimuru?" asked BlackRose.

" You have amnesia!"said Kite, " Let me refresh your memory."

He jumps onto Bear screaming, " AHHHH!! A CREEPY ARMLESS GIRL!"

" What the-" said Bear, shoving Kite off him, " I think I'll reconsider this now.....Mimuru, WHO IS THIS??"

" I'm NOT Mimuru!" cried BlackRose, " Get away from me, old man! Besides what kind of middle aged man wants to join a band ANYWAY?"

" Did you see my imaginary bracelet?" asked Kite, hopping around.

" Psychos!" shouted Bear and gated out.

Tryout 3

"Hi!" said Mistrel, " I love to collect new items like bass!"

She holds up her bass. As in dead, rotting fish bass.

" Um...." said Kite, " We meant bass as an instrument, not a fish."

" Oh....." said Mistrel, crestfallen, " But it does make music!"

She slaps the bass against a stone and it makes a 'smack' noise.

" Don't call us," said BlackRose, " and we won't call you."

Tryout 4

" No need for clapping," said Helba, carrying a flute, " For the star has arrived."

Kite just stared and BlackRose held up a sign that said, " No shirt, No shoes, No service."

Grumbling, Helba gated out.

Tryout 5

" Hi!"said Elk, " Look, I can play bass!"

" E-GRASS!" screamed Kite, " You know we're competing against you, right?"

Elk blinked.

" Oh......IT WAS THE INVISBLE ELVES !!!" he said, and ran off.

Tryout 6

" Boing, Boing!" said Sora, " OKay, here's the deal. You let me in on the band or the girl gets it."

" Sure," said Kite, " Whatever."

" You're just gonna let him kill me?" cried BlackRose.

" Uh.....yeah...No skin off my nose." he said.

Sora throws her into Monsuier's lake.

" Okay, LET'S JAM!!!" cried Kite.

So they entered the battle of the bands concert. To defeat E-Grass!

Luna: Random, yes.

Elk: ....i need mah STASH!!

Luna: see! I wasn't overplaying his addiction to grass!

Elk: GIMME DAT GRASS!!! :: attacks Luna::

Luna: we already had a fight scene Elk, now its repetive. ::trips him:: WHHEEEEEEEE!!!!

Gyshai: Have you been having the sugar again?

Kite: Or the other white sugar?

Luna: ....NOOO!!!:: hops around like an idiot:: Oh, and REVIEW! Next chapter: High as a Kite performs and well.....you'll see. AND THANKS ALL WHO REVIEWED!!


	7. Battle of the Bands FINAL CHAPTER!

Disclaimer: I don't own .hack, 50 cent or his lyrics to songs, or Greenday; although they ROCK! Or basically anything.

Luna: ::starts crying:: This the final chapter......I can't believe it!!! Thanks to all reviewers! I HAVE FANS!!! ::hops around::

Kite: YAY!! VICTORY DANCE TIME!

Gyshai: NOOOO!!

Elk: .......MWHAHAHAH!!! YOU CANT EMBARRASS US ANYMORE!!

Luna: ::evil grin:: ARE YOU SURE??? um.....CHAPTER 7 TO YOU!!!

Kite, Sora and BlackRose been preparing their music for exactly 5minutes and 6 seconds. They decided that was all they needed to beat the other bands and one rapper, E-Grass.

" Well, since we can't play music," said Sora, " And we're just riding on Kite's cuteness here, I'd say we're at a disadvantage. BOING!"

" HEY!" cried Kite.

" I know!" said BlackRose, " We can make Sora threaten everyone for them to vote for us!"

" Great idea, BOING!" said Sora.

" Why do you keep doing that?" asked Kite.

" Doing what? Boing!"

" That! Saying boing!"

" I don't always say boing. BOING!"

"......forget it..."

E-Grass was on stage first, and he rapped. " Go shorty, its your birthday, we're gonna party like its your birthday-" Suddenly, E-Grass was shot. 9 times. He somehow survived. He saw it as a sign to stop singing 50 cent songs.

So he sang " Everybody in da club getting tipsy," At the end, he threw up everywhere.

" Remember Children," said Elk, " Teen Drinking is very bad."

" Wow, that's gonna be a tough act to follow," commented Kite, " I mean, real vomit..."

" Then we can get BlackRose to vomit and we'll be cool? Boing!" said Sora.

" I'm NOT bumblic!" cried BlackRose.

" Noone said you were.....BOING!"

" We're on!" screamed Kite, " Protect me from the scary people!" He gets into fetal position.

"Oh great," said BlackRose, " He has stage fright......"

They get on stage, Kite dragged by BlackRose, and grabbed their instruments.

" Ahem," said Kite, " I just want to say, IMAGINARY BRACELET! Okay, I'm done."

Crickets were heard throughout the audience.

Then he sang, " I walk this lonely road, the only road that I have ever known. Don't know where it goes, but I walk alone. I walk alone, I walk alone. My imaginary bracelet is the only thing that walks beside me, my shallow HP is the only thing that's beating. To live I walk -"

Kite was cut off my a tomato hitting him square in the face.

".....alone..." countied Kite, wiping tomato off his face

But by then they were being pelted with more tomatos for giving GreenDay a bad name and massarcing their music.

" Go to plan B," said Sora, " Jump in the mosh pit. BOING!"

Kite did, guitar and all. And the whole crowd separated so his face connected with the cement.

5 hours later.....

" Owwies...." he said, " what happened?"

" You hit your head. Hard. Boing!"

" Did I make a boing sound when I fell?"

" No. BOING!"

" THEN STOP SAYING BOING, DAMMNIT!!"

" Okay...." said Sora, " Bo-bo- BOUNCE!"

Kite sighs.

" Hey," said Kite, " Where's BlackRose? I must confess my undying love for her!"

" I don't know.....And you must've REALLY hit your head hard.....BO-BOUNCE!"

The next band started playing. The one man band of Skieth. Kite saw him, and screamed, " NOOOO! ITS THE CREEPY DATADRAINING DUDE WHO PUT ORCA IN A COMA!! AHHHHHH!!!" But then the imaginary bracelet datadrained him, and he was done for.

" Wow, that was easy," said Kite.

" Only 7 more phases...." said a dismbodied voice.

" And the winner is......" said the annoucer.

Kite and Sora held their breaths.

" Winner.....is...."

Their faces turned red.

"........The WINNER IS......"

Their faces turned blue.

" MISTREL!"

Mistrel came out with the rotting, stinking bass and bowed.

Kite and Sora just started.

" Well....that was...." said Kite.

" Bounce?" asked Sora.

"Exactly."

" BlackRose!" cried Kite, spotting her with Balmug.

" Uh.....hi Kite..." she said, wearing a 'Winged Guitar' t-shirt, the name of Balmug's band.

" You abandon High as a Kite?!" cried Sora, " I can't believe you! Bounce!"

" Why...?" asked Kite, " We could've won next year...."

" Kite," said BlackRose, " No offense but YOU CAN'T SING! I'm a Balmug groupie now!"

" But I love you!"

" Ewww.....BALMUGY MAKE HIM GO AWAY!"

BlackRose clutched onto Balmug who mouthed the words, 'Help me!'.

" Sorry kid," said the imaginary bracelet, and yes, it can talk; " You're pathetic. I was the glue that held this production together. I quit!"

With those words, the imaginary bracelet walked off. Mia appeared and chased after it, her being an imaginary bracelet worshipper and all. Everyone stared.

" That was werid.....BOUNCE!" said Sora.

Kite logged off, and decided to do that werid thing known as "going outside." He heard many people did this sort of thing to "interact" with others. But in the end, he chickened out, afriad that the sun's rays may burn his skin on contact. Since the game developers were very desparate for money, they made the normally one game into 4, forcing you to shell out $40 dollars for each.......So I'll leave you, devoted readers with these questions: will they ever find the imaginary bracelet? Will Kite go outside? Will Sora ever stop saying Boing or bounce at the end of each sentence?

Okay, I'm not mean enough to just end the story like that.

10 years later......

BlackRose marries Balmug against his will, thanks to a little help from EGrass's grass.

Mia starts her own religion of " Imaginary bracelet worshippers."

EGrass becomes a famous rapper for exactly 2 weeks before fame goes to his head and gets sued for having no original rap songs. Then gets jumped by 50cent and Knuckles. He is now known as 'the artist formaly known as EGrass.'

Sora is found drunk in alleyway, hasn't beeen heard of since. Rumors have it he spiked his hair, dyed it brown and goes around the world with a dog thing and a duck that sounds like he has marbles in his mouth........

Kite chases his dream of his one man band 'High as a Kite'. He has the bumps on his head and tomato stains to show for it.

Aura finally gets fake arms, but Kite is still afriad of her because he noticed she has NO FEET.

Luna: THE END! I hope you guys liked the grand finale. ITS TIME FOR THE GOODBYE SONG!

Elk: Goodbye, Goodbye, You'll no longer see me high!

Kite: Goodbye, Goodbye, If she keeps exploitng us I think I would've died!

Gyshai: GOODBYE!! ITS SO SAD I THINK IM GONNA CRY!

Luna: So this is GOODBYEEE!


End file.
